Issue much?

What is my issue? I love blogs...errr...I love to read blogs, daily...Its part of my wake up routine actually of laying in bed checking my e-mail, fbook, and then blogs. Why can't I seem to keep up with it tho? I'm horrrrrible.

I ran today tho...if you can count my attempt as a run...It was more of a let's try runnning......"{heavy breathing} ow, ow, my side hurts, my chest hurts...this sucks why am I doing this?"

3.2 miles/45 mins = 14 min pace....awesome

Well folks, thats the starting off point.....no denying it.

I am looking forward to the races that I'm *tenatively* going to run, unless I happen to have a new job and am not able to due to my work schedule.

Stillwater 10k on May 29, 2011
Paavo Nurmi Half Marathon on August 13th, 2011

Been toying with the idea of finding a 5k for April and a 10 miler for July---I think it'd be good intervals/goals to work with the ultimate test being the half in August---and if I can't run that race due to work schedule, I will find another half.... 13.1 miles will be mine!

So much for keeping up...

I'm back. I wish I had a really great and exciting reason for my hiatus from blogging, but I don't.

Here is what I do know has happened since May 1st when I last blogged:

My Mom's cancer came back with a vengeance and I have been by her side every step of the way since. Through every Dr's appointment, chemotherapy and helping around the house. I call her every day when I wake up to see how she is doing. My brother and I even shaved our heads with her in June.

(with our family friend who shaved our heads)

She is doing well for right now, and I couldn't be happier. These last couple of months have been a whirlwind but have taught me oh so much.

I also did something I've thought about doing for a very long time, but never had the courage to. However, due to personal and professional circumstances beyond my control, it was time I started to see a therapist. This was single handedly the greatest decision I've ever made. I worked through a large part of the professional issues, and continue to work through my personal struggles and demons.

R and I went to Vegas in June. One of the greatest vacations I've ever had. I needed that time away, and we needed that time together. Enough said. (and no we did not get married :) )

My Dad, by the grace of God, found a job in July. This was a huge blessing to our whole family. Due to the economy he had been laid off since October 2009. Him returning to work took a huge load off my Mom's shoulders. Him being laid off though when he was, I believe was also a gift from God. He was able to be there for my Mom through the hard parts. He was at all the appointments and treatments at first as well. We were like the 3 stooges traipsing through the doctors office at times. Dad and I were constantly cracking jokes and what not to try and ease the situation for my Mom. There was some great memories and moments created during those times.

I tried to go back to school. I tried and am failing miserably. I've always had it in my head that I want to go to graduate school. However, school for me has always been a thing of convience. My chosen subject for my Bachelor's degree was only chosen because work helped pay for it. That's it. It was easy and the program worked with my work schedule. I returned to school in August and have already dropped 2 of my classes, and believe I will be dropping the 3rd this week. I just have no desire what so ever to be in school right now. Maybe its my attention issues, and hopefully those will be completely ironed out sooner rather than later, or maybe its just because now is not the right time.

I don't know much right now about what I want to do. I do know where I want to be, however that also depends on a certain someone, who as of right now can't even commit to a joint phone bill that would save us both money. *ahem*FRUSTRATED*ahem* After 3 years, a joint phone bill with no binding contract isn't a lot to ask, but I digress. I guess I'll just keep waiting for a sign of where I'm supposed to be.

Not Normal

I don't have a normal job. I don't work normal hours. I don't have every weekend off. And basically I deal with really crappy things aka people's worst nightmares. And for the most part, I deal just fine with everything. They aren't my situations/issues to deal with. I don't know the people involved, and therefor am able to let things roll off my shoulders very easily.

But this morning, it got personal. The profession I'm in, is truly one big family. We support one another, are there for another, and will pick one another up when one of ours is down. Today, the worst thing possible happened..in MY family.

People involved in the military can probably relate the best. When a soldier/service member is KIA, it hits home. Regardless if you knew the individual or not, it hits home. Because after all, who's to stay the next time it won't be your soldier involved. So you support one another, immensely, with out question.

This morning the world lost a wonderful humane being, who I've never had the honor to meet, but don't have to in order to know the extent of this tragedy.

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with all directly involved and affected, and the whole community in general. Today is a sad day.

Falling Off the Wagon.........

As I believe I mentioned in my last post, I've completely fallen off the workout wagon.
To give a little back story. I've always been big-boned (putting it politely). I've never been obese or anything, but I've never ever been the skinny girl. Big thighs and big arms run in my family. Growing up, I was very active. My middle brother, L (who watched me all the time), dragged me everywhere with him on our bikes in the summertime. We are talking 30 min bike rides just to a place where construction was going on where we'd sit and watch, then bike all the way back home. I also played softball for a number of years and got regular exercise from that.

My senior year of high school, my group of friends at the time, coerced me into trying out for cheer leading. I didn't attend high school at all my senior year, instead I took college courses full time through a program that the state runs. Anyways, I made the cheer leading squad and attended practice every.single.day. Which = me becoming in the best shape I'd ever been in. If you think cheer leading is wussy, you don't know what your talking about because practicing throwing a 120 lb girl in the air 5 days a week and your bound to see some kind of results. And that I did. Strange part was, I didn't even know it was happening until one day I noticed a shirt that used to be too small fit perfectly :) Then college came, and we all know what happens in college if you don't exercise regularly.

Fast forward to about a year and a half ago. For work, I was sitting on my butt for 40+ hours a week in a very high stress environment where anything could be and would be solved with a chocolate bar or some kind of indulgent treat. Then it hit me one day when I stepped on the scale non chalantly, with an upcoming vacation with my still relatively new boyfriend and his family to Florida looming in my future. I couldn't believe what I saw on the scale, for me, it was the largest I'd ever been. More importantly though, a light bulb went off. The connection to how I'd been feeling (sluggish, lazy, sick quite often) and the weight. Bada Bing!

So I joined weight watchers, and for 1.5 months I was very meticulous about it. And I lost about 10 lbs. Went to Florida, had the best time, but completely threw any healthy eating habits out the window. Where those habits continued to stay till the fall.

October 2009 was where the change really began to happen. I was going through some huge life changes, that although were temporary, taught me more than I could have ever imagined. But I was on my own and I got bored. I'd always wanted to join the gym near my house but was always scared. One day I just did it though..and I continued going constantly. The weight began to slowly come off. I also started back on weight watchers, although I've never been as regimented as I was before Florida.

Since October of 2009, I've lost roughly 21 lbs. And I've kept it off. But after my accident in March, I've completely and utterly fallen off the working out band wagon and I need to get back on. I'm running a 12K here at the end of May with some co workers. I have been *kind of* following my training plan for it. But I never feel as good after a run, as I do after a workout at the gym. I don't think I get into the same mind set or nearly push myself as hard. And I don't know what to do. What I'm trying to say is I don't know how to get back into the working out wagon.

But tomorrow..(or so I'm telling myself) its on. I've never done good with pressure, I always talk my self out or rather psych my self out. BUT, Vegas is coming soon. And I want to look good in my bathing suit. My current regiment will not accommodate that. I've already been working on my eating...started earlier this week. But tomorrow, I'm going to do something. I'm not going to say I'm going to make it to the gym because prior commitments and the fact I need to sleep sometime, will not accommodate that. But I think a 3 mile run down to the highway and back sounds good. Possibly followed by a mile cool down walk with Coley. Then Saturday, I will be back at the gym, followed by Sunday, Monday, Tuesday... :)

Help keep me accountable, k? Or at least let me know your out there, or any tips you have that help you exercise regularly! I do know that once I start, I will get hooked again..because what do they say? It takes two weeks to develop a habit!

And I also need to keep repeating "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!" ---So true!!

New Beginings...

I've tried blogging in the past but never been consistent with it.

I love the idea of blogging. Keeping an online account of everyday happenings or whatever I feel like in all honesty. I've read other blogs basically daily for a couple years now but always been shy about de-lurking as its called I believe. BUT-it's time! I'm going to do this. I want to remember little things that happen, and be able to look back on them. I also think and have seen through other blogs how important it can be to reflect on things and that sometimes ya just need to get things out! Ya know what I mean?!

So here we go :) I'm a happy go lucky female in my mid 20's. I was born and raised in the Midwest and although I have no idea where life is going to take me in the future, I'd be completely happy staying in the Midwest for the rest of my life. I've been dating Mr. Wonderful for 2.5 years and I couldn't be happier. We together (although Mr W "owns" her) have a 2 yo Great Dane named Coley whom I continue to spoil rotten on a daily basis. She is like my child and her and her "brother" Chewy (a Lhasa) are truly treated that way. Chewy was around before I was so I can't say I raised him, although I still do spoil him and I believe I've played a large part in bringing him out of his shell! ;-)

Other than that I come from a lovable quirky family consisting of my Mom, Dad, 2 Brothers, a Sister-in-Law (whom I normally just refer to as my sister FYI), a sassy pants niece and a nephew that warms my heart (he holds hands all the time, and is seriously the best hand holder, even at the age of 2). My family and I are incredible close, now. We weren't in the past, and it unbelievably rough, but we've gotten through things and are better than ever!

I don't work a normal job. Typically, I work nights, at least right now. And I only have weekends off every so often. Mr Wonderful is in the same boat though, so that helps our relationship flow really well. When I do have time off, you can typically find me hanging out at my parents house or Mr W's house. I take Coley with me everywhere that I'm able to and I value the close friends that I have with all my heart.

Stick around as I learn **ahem** attempt to learn to love running, learn to love my life (including all the ups and downs) and try to figure out this thing called life!